Posted by Kathryn Hall Cape on Sunday, January 30, 2011
Just a little talk with my angel before I go to sleep….
Posted on August 15, 2010 by kcape
Jimma…I just wanna talk to you for a little while..k? babygirl……Your picture…remember the one we took just before I climbed into bed beside you and settled down for the night?…You were already settled in, wrapped up in your very own o-so-soft blankie..the blue one..and I said, OK, sweetie, just one picture of my sweet babygirl before I lay down…You smiled that sweet half-smile..mouth barely open..top pearly whites peeking through..lips just turned up at the edges….And you patiently watched as I snapped the perfect picture. I have that one laminated and hanging on the stand by the bed….I turn every night and every morning to look at you and can see you looking back at me…but I can only touch that cold surface..not your soft, sweet skin. Today I traced your eyes..saying ‘pretty blue eyes’…your nose..saying ‘perfect tiny nose’…I ran my finger over the curves of your perfectly shaped mouth…and I closed my eyes as I remembered the feel of your golden curls wrapping gently around my fingers as I brushed the hair behind your ears before I tickled each one while telling you what beautiful .. perfect ears my girl has. Jimma .. do you remember? .. just before the tickle got to be too much, you’d take mama’s finger in your hand and we’d talk about your precious long fingers, your legs that seemed to be growing longer by the minute and your stinkie little tickle toes………o’ baby….I miss you, I want to be where you are! Last night Julianna spent the night with Sissy. She didn’t have one of your pull-ups to borrow, so Tori got Baby down to see if she might be wearing one. You remember Baby?….don’t you?….your favorite dolly..she was bigger than you were when Daddy brought her home….then you just got soooo big. Tori held Baby and sobbed uncontrollably…..I don’t really want you to understand sob..you never knew that word……..just know your Sister misses you something terrible!!! Tell Jesus to comfort her heart..ok?…just till she gets to come to where you are. Don’t be too upset with me, darling….I know how you hated to see Mommy sad…you would take your little fisted hand and gently touch my face…looking so concerned until I assured you everything was all right………I know that in Heaven, there’s no sadness… That’s the only way I can keep my sanity…because if I did not know … then I would not be able to cope with wondering whether you missed Mommy and Daddy …… I know you don’t….and I’m glad…..BUT I MISS YOU….I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH….BIGGGER THAN THE TALLEST TREE….BIGGER THAN THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN…DEEPER THAN THE DEEPEST WIDEST OCEAN…………..and i just wanna come home…….BUT….until that day, Precious Angel Mine….Mommy’s gotta find who it is I’m supposed to share you with….tell those angels you always communed with to give me a helping hand…k?……I’m feel like I might be stumbling a bit…….And I know you remember Mommy’s love…because that’s the one thing that cannot change….no matter which side of the curtain you’re on…..I think I’ll settle down…close my eyes…..then you will be right here beside me until I open them again in the morning……….